Matsuki Masutani

on my way

i thought
i was on my way to achieve something earth-shattering,
something to equal or excel my father's accomplishments,
inevitably,
somewhere, somehow.

on my way to india
i met a young woman
who dreamt of a happy ordinary life in canada
her a nurse
me a lab technician.
i thought of a life
of trying not to shatter test tubes
and decided that was more like it.

we married and moved
to a small island.
i became a freelance translator
instead of
a lab technician
to meet the needs of our
frugal life

i thought
i'd deadened my impulse for good
but it kept haunting me
for many years
rocking
our otherwise
ordinary life

one day i realized
it is earth-shattering indeed
to keep this ordinary life
from shattering
(© m. masutani january 9, 2002)

mist

clouds of white mist
rising from the neighboring marsh,
recalling a morning scene repeated many times over the years.

a day starts like so many other days,
i wake up early in the morning and quickly make a fire.
i cook fried rice for the kids and drive them to the ferry where they join their friends.
they are dreaming & striving to become somebody
a vet, a scientist, a teacher

who did i become?
i did not become a professor like dad and Hideki,
i did not become a writer, my childhood dream
i did not become anyone,
lost now in middle age on foreign soil,
out of work
don't know what to do except pray

i sit in front of menorah every morning and pray a long prayer,
hoping they rise to heaven.
is this my consolation or my destiny?

i'm a great grandson of a man,
who joined a revolutionary war at the end of the nineteenth century in japan.
he left the battle field after a serious injury to his left leg
he found an abandoned temple in the village and decided to stay there
praying for his comrades,
who sacrificed their lives for their dreams.

after the war he met a woman and married her.
they had three children :
girl, boy, and girl.
(© m. masutani april 30, 2004)